People often ask us what happens at Why Combinator. Here is an overview as detailed as the court orders will allow.
Why Combinator is a three month program. Or two if you follow our special Karoshi accelerator (you spend 5,183,000 seconds coding and 1,000 seconds having cold pizza intravenously fed to you on a sofa bed).
The overall goal of Why Combinator is to help you get Series A funding. And by “you”, we mean “us”. For our services, we will take a mere 50% of your company.
We believe in Disruption. We work with Founders working at the cutting edge of the social mobile blockchain DAO Generative AI space. We back contrarians who operate in the same fashionable domains as everyone else.
We believe in diversity. In our marketing photostock if nowhere else. We believe in Bros before Hos are Hot Female Founder friendly.
All Our Founders believe in selling their company to Microsoft or Facebook changing the world. Our outcomes speak for themselves.
Twenty Founders have billion dollar exits and are now financing their own
Neo-NaziClassical Liberal candidates for the US Senate.Three hundred had their ownership diluted to nothing in a down round and now hang around our Coworking space giving handjobs or Python tutorials for AWS credits.
Forty ran out of runway. Fortunately this was metaphorical in all but one case (the Peter Thiel wing of the accelerator that housed Hydrogen Airlines is currently under reconstruction).
At least three are
in federal prison on fraud convictionsworking closely with the government on crypto.Six may actually have been AI generated. We could only ever talk to them on Zoom and they had excessive fingers. Only one seemed to have the level of inbreeding for this to be convincing. But we don’t discriminate against inhuman machines.
Just Blacks and Hispanics.
Our services are unmatched:
We will train you how to pitch your startup by feeding random buzzphrases in ChatGPT.
We will give you access to world class technical expertise by letting Bulgarian hackers get into your code due to our lax network security.
We will introduce you to investors so you can pitch your startup. (N.B. The cost of the cocaine and hookers will be debited against your Series A round).
We will organize alumni talks either in person or via Zoom from the relevant federal penitentiary.
What we look for in our Founders:
We want you to be ambitious. Not regular top-of-your-class ambitious. Blind-a-child-to-win-a-game-of-scrabble ambitious.
We want you to be committed. Family and Friends are 2nd tier Fs (frankly F ‘em). The only F that matters is “Founder”.
We want you to be smart. Do you speak to others only in non-linear partial differential equations or swearwords? Send us a thought mail to prove it. On the blockchain.
Above all we offer sexual harrasment intellectual property theft community.
Join Today!
“Hi, my name is Marvin and I am a Python Coder. Please say you want a Python tutorial…”
Join Why Comnbinator and monetise your personality disorder!
Excellent work, Matt.