If work is a religion* then LinkedIn is a church. The church has the singing of hymns – the joyful sharing in unison of aspirational quotes that may be correctly attributed**. The church has homilies and sermons in the form of videos from thought leaders and influencers. You may even pop some money in the collection plate. If you put in enough money, then you will get an exclusive 15 video seminar series and perhaps a crackly Skype call if you pay extra. Surely as close to paradise as a mortal can expect.
Of course, some people take it way further than that. While religions differ in their attitudes towards the body, mortification of the flesh is a common way of discipling the spirit. It may be as simple as fasting. Or it may take more dramatic forms. Be it the Muslim self-flagellation of Ashura, the Hindu body-piercing of Thaipusam, or the crucifixion rituals of the Philippines, punishing the body somehow brings you closer to the divine.
And if work is a religion then the closest thing we have to the saints or god-kings of old are entrepreneurs. And paradise, nay, enlightenment is founding a unicorn that you IPO for $1bn+. What must someone do to achieve such grace? Well, the old religions were surprisingly united on this: give up everything.
So who will guide us on this journey? Well, Gary Vaynerchuk, apparently.
I first encountered Gary V via his utterly charming Wine Library YouTube videos. Wine culture can be snobbish, patronising and tedious. Gary was, quite deliberately, none of these things. I later discovered that Gary had made some canny investments in tech companies, started his own marketing agencies, and become very rich. He’d also been taking notes from Tony Robbins as he is now some kind of motivational speaker and life coach to the masses of would-be Garys out there.
I grew up in an evangelical Baptist church with regular helpings of exorcism, faith healing, speaking in tongues and apocalyptic prophecy. Robbins’ mass rallies with their emotional appeals, forced group cohesion, narratives of fall and redemption, and shoddy commercialism hold no surprises for me.
Gary V takes Robbins’ salvation by self-improvement and grafts it to the narrative of the entrepreneur and the primacy of hustle. Gary’s Gospel is that you should never stop wanting and working. Esp. the working bit. You should be hustling 15-18 hours a day. Now his website does try to back peddle on some of his more insane recommendations but this is about as convincing as health warnings on beer bottles. And to be fair to the Vaynernation***, not all of Gary’s advice is bad. He has some good things to say from a business and personal perspective.
Gary is not the only High-Priest of Hustle on LinkedIn. There is now a readily identified (and ridiculed) genre of LinkedIn post that goes along the lines of “I wake up at 4am every day because I want to be the best I can be…” the post then continues for a number of paragraphs including business meetings and visits to the gym before the protagonist goes to bed at 11pm, fully spent after a day of success and hustle.
The gym is important here. To be a hustler, you have to engage in some form of competitive or endurance exercise. You are, after all, some holy combination of Steve Jobs, Joel Osteen, Tony Robbins, and Lance Armstrong.
The hustler disciplines their spirit through their flesh. Working harder. Pushing harder. To be worthy of the success that is salvation. In a few cases this will lead to riches and all the happiness they bring. In most, it will lead to either disappointment at best or a physical / mental breakdown at worst.
Here endeth the lesson. Now about that exclusive 15 video seminar series…
*So says Derek “He is a witch, burn him” Thompson at The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/religion-workism-making-americans-miserable/583441/
**Did Gandhi say “Greed is Good”? Note to self: check citation.
***Yes, he calls them that.