“Hello Will, are you ready for your new assignment as Chief Fad Officer?”
“Sure Dave, you know how much I love this job, this company, and you particularly”
“Awesome. Well Will, you are our new Chief General, wait, Generative AI Officer. I want you to drop all that blockchain stuff like the hot turd we always knew it was and take on this exciting new assignment. Fire those DAO Evangelists and replace them with a crack team of Prompt Engineers. I think that means they turn up on time but I really haven’t done the research. But that’s your job.”
“Not doing the research?”
“Precisely”
“Well, Dave, let me just say how excited I am by this exciting new challenge. I have read about this a lot on LinkedIn. I even signed up for ChatGPT”
“Yes, I did wonder how you were able to turn around the corporate strategy so quickly. Truly this wonderful technology might mean that we need never pretend to think again.”
“Hang on, excuse me while I google something, how many LLCs, er, LLMs do you want?”
“Lots. And we need our own one. A special one just for us. Because we are special.”
“Absolutely Dave. We are the specialest! And as a carpet cleanin-, sorry floor optimizing technology business, we absolutely have the capability to do this. I’ll get Sheena in IT to knock one up by lunchtime. I assume I’ll be working to the usual KPIs?”
“You know it. I want as many press releases and conference appearances as possible. If people on LinkedIn call you a thought leader then there’s a big fat bonus coming your way. If you’d like a stretch goal then try applying this technology to something completely inappropriate and dangerous. Maybe the nuclear reactor control centre or the domestic violence helpline*?”
“On it, I’ll be running some workshops with lots of post-its that will completely waste everyone’s time”
“Perfect. I know I can count on you. Spend a lot of time on pointless unwatchable videos as well. Maybe make them only watchable on the Apple Vision Pro.”
“Did we buy any of those?”
“No. Maybe this will even be as successful as our work with Agile!”
“That is a high bar, Dave, a lot of people did resign over that.”
“I know you’ve got it in you, Will. You have my full confidence although obviously your budget will be miniscule and, as this is a fast moving domain, we’ll have to make decisions excruciatingly slowly.”
“I love that “Excruciating Slowness” is one of our core values. Along with “Customer Centricity” of course. I’ll get to it right now. Love your work, Dave.”
“Yours too, Will”
END SCENE
Inspired by this post.
*How did a “floor optimization technology” company end up with a nuclear reactor and a domestic violence helpline? Lets just say the VC money they received in 2018 led to an “aggressive” and “totally well thought through” acquisition strategy.