LinkedIn is full of sales gurus who will tell you the magic sales words that will make people give you their money. I am not a sales guru. But I have been both a seller and a buyer in the B2B (that’s Business-to-Business and not, as Urban Dictionary would have it, Boner-to-Boner) domain.
So I thought I would briefly explain my recent experiences as a buyer, explore some of the language that salespeople use and why it might be self-limiting, and then end with an extended and inappropriate metaphor.
As I had the words “IT” and “Manager” in my job title, I would get 4-5 calls a day from people trying to sell me something. They might be requesting my email so they could send me some important thought leadership. It might be a business development guy wanting to discuss my business challenges over a coffee. Whatever. Most of them barely got beyond “hello”. I tried not to be rude as I recognise that these are often low-paid people carrying out the stupid orders of slightly better paid people. But I was firm and quick. I wasn’t going to give them what they wanted so they were better off going to the next person.
When I did go out looking to buy stuff that couldn’t be provided by our existing supplier base, I would ask colleagues and contacts or, if I was feeling lazy, rely on brand names. You were more likely to get to me via strong marketing and good customer references than from direct sales.
I would sometimes have to sit on procurement panels for all kinds of things. Yes, I did enjoy asking you questions I knew you would struggle to answer. No, simply having read things on our website and repeating it back to us was not evidence of good research. Yes, reading and answering the tender rather than coming in with a cookie-cutter approach was good. Yes, incumbents do have an advantage but we expect more from them because of that. Yes, I will tell a lot if you ask me the right questions. Yes, sometimes you have been invited to tender simply to make up the numbers – and, yes, that is evil.
So going on to the language that salespeople use. Some describe themselves as “hunters”. Which makes their buyers “prey” – which is not exactly reassuring. In fact, the relationship between salespeople and buyers does look a lot like predator-prey relationships that you find in nature. The hagfish has evolved a unique defence against sharks – in seconds it can produce and fire gallons of choking slime into the mouths and gills of its attackers. And you thought the last Request for Proposal process you had to complete was bad.
Salespeople lament the difficulty in reaching buyers these days and the elongated sales processes they have to go through. Whilst the bureaucratic dysfunctions of buying organizations aren’t off the hook here, some of this is down to the historic actions of sales professionals. Much of the buying process is aimed at trying to find the truth about what is on offer because sales organizations tend to lie a lot.
Other salespeople call themselves “farmers”. Which implies the customer is field to be ploughed or cow to be milked. I’m not sure which is worse – being a deer to be shot or a cow to be milked. At least with the former, the exploitation is over quickly.
There is also much talk about "taking control of the sales process". Although the buyer thinks they are buying something from you, they are fools. You are selling. You are in control. Because all healthy relationships are built on control and domination.
So going back to my time as a buyer. It was an odd feeling getting so many phone calls. All of a sudden, I knew what it was like to be a hot chick in a bar. Constantly getting hit on by guys who think they are Ryan Reynolds but are really Danny Devito. Creeps staring at my budget rather than looking me in the eyes. The rehearsed Pick Up Artist lines that they have cribbed from a book or – lets be realistic here – a LinkedIn post.
Sometimes, I wasn’t the hot chick, the hot chick was my boss. I was the hot chick’s ugly friend. My job was to tell the eager suitors to go away. Now the eager suitors assumed that I was just cockblocking them whereas in fact my boss and I had discussed them (often with much profanity and laughing). If they absolutely insisted on a meeting with my superiors, then I would arrange one – taking care to ensure the room had a mop and bucket in a corner for all the blood.
Now sometimes a transactional relationship is fine. If both parties are clear that they are DTF then go ahead. And technology can probably speed those transactions up. But if I don’t call you back or respond to your multiple emails, maybe I’m just not that into you.
To conclude, I think that many salespeople need to change their mindset and the language they use as it actively damages their efforts to engage with the people who ultimately pay their wages. But also buyers should be as open and honest as possible. Buyers should not lead salespeople on and should reward the behaviours is sales team that they want to see. Ultimately, everyone needs to grow up.
N.B. If this sounds like I don't like salespeople then that's a false impression. I like awesome salespeople who know their product, understand my issues and recognise that this whole buying thing is ultimately not about them. I just wish there were more of them.