Hey Matt, what’s up?
Well, about 2 weeks ago, my role got made redundant.
Oh, are you OK?
Yeah, I’m fine. Wait, are you trying to hug me? Please, stop, sit down…
Sorry. But are you really OK?
Well, I was until you invaded my personal space.
What are you going to do now?
I’d like to work for a high-growth organization with cool people using my skills.
What does “high-growth” mean?
It means dynamic and optimistic (without being completely delusional). I'm flexible as to whether that is full-time or part-time, permanent or contract, or something else.
Why do you want to work somewhere like that?
Because I need constant stimulation or I get bored. And that’s bad for me and for the organization.
What makes someone “cool”?
Someone who’s open to new ideas and wants to get stuff done and can treat others like the human beings they are. Someone who is not a dick, basically.
Some would say you are the dick.
Yeah, and they might have a point. But it’s really about chemistry and the vibe of the thing. When I meet people, we work out pretty quickly if we could work together. You want fit on both sides.
And what skills do you have?
I’ve spent the last 2 years managing a team of corporate IT solution designers – everything from infrastructure up thru data to applications and business. We designed and/or delivered Office365 environments, patch automation, virtual desktop infrastructure, workforce management integration, programmatic trading, etc. Before that I worked for a small SAAS company doing pre-sales consulting, post-sales services, cold calling, writing marketing collateral, RFP responses, bits of account management. And before that I was a CRM / sales operations manager for a $1.5bn professional services firm – for whom I also ghost-wrote thought leadership. Oh, and I’m a world-famous knowledge management expert and I teach at a university.
So you lack focus?
I would prefer to say that I have a broad base of expertise.
What do you see yourself doing in 5 years?
Bangin’ yo mama. I’m not answering BS like that. If you know what you’re doing in 5 years then we’re probably not going to get on.
And if people want to talk you?
Hit me up on LinkedIn and lets see what happens. I have time on my hands right now.
Oh, is that what’s on your hands?
Shut up, imaginary interlocutor.