So as you may have gathered, I got made redundant a few months ago. This was not unexpected. Which is not the same as saying it was expected. I didn't know exactly when or where it would occur. But I knew it was coming. This did make it easier. One of the worst things about being fired is that this is not something under your control. It is done to you by someone else and there is no hiding this power imbalance. One of the reasons that employees go on wrecking sprees is vengence pure and simple. But another reason is simply to regain some sense of control around their lives. To feel like a person with agency rather than a passive punching bag. But I was relatively well-prepared. I had already started looking for work elsewhere. My CV was shiny and sparkling and only slightly fictional.
As I live in an apartment, I used to get bulky packages delivered to work. One of these packages was from a provider of hipster toilet paper. On my last day, I found myself walking though the office carrying a box with "Who gives a crap?" written in large, ornate letters on the side. It seemed too blatant - what kind of lazy hack is writing my life?
It also helped considerably that I was not ill or trying to manage high levels of debt or other financial burdens. Because that does suck. That is horrible. But I didn't have that. I had to deal with my own anxiety. I had to deal with the anxiety of those around me (which was sometimes greater than my own). But I had already made the emotional break with my employer. Being made redundant is not like death. It is not the dead weight of mortality pressing on your chest. It is more like ending a relationship. Breaking up. Now rarely are break-ups mutual. One party emotionally exits the relationship before the other. And the other is left working through the sense of loss on their own. For some people, the break up with their employer is a surprise. They have to make sense of it. And all the outplacement consultancy appointments in the world cannot help that. It sometimes said that for every year you are in a relationship, put aside a month to get over it. A decade of loving then losing will take you a year to work off. Most jobs are less intense than a relationship (although we do talk about employee engagement and some employers do act like jealous lovers) so perhaps 2 weeks per year? Recognise that you will go through the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. And also recognise that this emotional sequence may play havoc with your interview schedule.
I was largely at the end of this cycle when the axe fell. Although things were not completely OK. I got a massive cold sore that I can only assume was stress-related. Another (former) colleague got a burst blood vessel in their eye. The body gives away what the mind disavows. I found myself alternating between intense energy and total exhaustion. Take care of your body.
Then it was into the process of finding a new job. I had sent out many CVs prior to being redundoed. That had not worked. Recruiters and hirers are fixated on superficial matches. For any role, the default is to look for a candidate who has the same job title and worked in the same industry. "Talent shortage" my arse. Sitting at home, applying for jobs online just sounded like a recipe for depression and, inevitably, hospitalization. So I tried a different approach. I talked to people who were interesting and interested (the two go together). I took random opportunities when they came up. My theory was that if I pushed enough energy into specific parts of the system then I could trigger some kind of chain reaction. This was against the advice of the outplacement people (although much of their advice about the jobs marketplace was spot on) but it seemed the right thing to do for me. I also decided that I would not be afraid of offending people*. No one gives a job to someone they feel lukewarm about. I'm not saying this approach is right for everyone but it felt right for me.
Lets see what happens next.
*Offense is always subordinate to engagement in everything I write. A by-product not a goal. Offense is easy.